Good news for porn users
What is the gospel for porn users? Porn is bad news. It distorts a man’s view of women, making him view them as objects for his pleasure. It distorts a man’s view of sex because porn by its very nature as something that is viewed makes sex about performance. It distorts a man’s relationship with God, leaving him consumed by guilt and shame. The same things could be said, of course, about a woman’s view of men, of sex and of God.
But how can we speak the good news of Jesus to people struggling with porn? Simply telling people to stop is not enough because that leaves those who are struggling feeling condemned. And anything that leaves people condemned is not the gospel of Jesus (Rom. 8:1). A call simply to stop makes people rely on their own will-power, on themselves – and that’s legalism.
So what is the gospel for porn users? It is that God offers more. God is bigger and better than anything porn offers.
The false promises of porn
What is it that porn offers? It will be different things for different people. For some porn offers respect: a fantasy world in which I’m potent or admired by others. For others porn offers intimacy: substitute relationships without risk. For others it offers escape: when life is daunting or boring we turn to porn for quick satisfaction. For some porn may offer revenge: a way of getting back at our spouse who hasn’t delivered the sexual pleasure we want or at God who hasn’t delivered the life we want.
But it’s all lies. Porn is a performance, cut and edited to create the illusion of power or pleasure. We need to look beyond the frame of the camera. Porn sex is never real sex.
And porn never delivers. Whether it’s respect, intimacy, escape or revenge, it’s not the real thing. It’s a cheap fantasy that only leaves us wanting more. And so we move from pictures to movies, from ‘softcore’ to hardcore, all the time looking for what porn can’t deliver. This is how porn drags us in deeper until we’re enslaved.
The real promises of the gospel
So what’s the good news? If porn offers you respect then the good news is that you don’t need to be controlled by the opinion of others. Compare those whose approval you want with God. Whose affirmation really matters?
If porn offers you risk-free intimacy then the good news is that God is in control. Relationships are risky, but God cares for those who trust Him. He may not provide a spouse, but He will provide Himself.
If porn offers you escape from the pressures of life then the good news is that God is a ‘rock’ and ‘refuge’ to His people (Ps. 18:1-3). ‘Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you’ (1 Peter 5:7).
If porn offers you escape from boredom then the good news is that God is the source of true and lasting joy. Porn is immediate, quick, easy, but its pleasures are empty and short-lived. We’re always left wanting more. To a woman who’d had a series of sexual partners, Jesus said: ‘Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life’ (John 4:13-14).
If porn offers you revenge then the good news is that God is gracious. We think we’re not getting what we deserve – from our spouse or from God. In fact we’re getting far more than the judgement we deserve. Thinking of yourself as a son of God will set you free from resentment and bitterness.
Letting God be God
At its root porn is about worship – idolatrous worship. I can click between women, all of whom are offering themselves to me. Or I can think of myself as the stud sending women into an ecstasy of desire. I enter a world in which people worship me. Freedom begins when I stop trying to be at the centre and let God be God, when I stop serving myself and start loving others.
Humble enough to find help
There is hope. But we need help. We need the help of other people, people who can hold us accountable and remind us of the good news. And we need God’s help. We can’t do it on our own. Many people get stuck in their behaviour because they won’t admit there’s a problem. So every move up starts with a step down. ‘Humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honour’ (1 Peter 5:6).
Looking to the cross
The good news for porn users is not only that God offers more. He also gives his Holy Spirit to change our hearts and lives. But what kind of reception will we get from God if we come to Him for help?
The Bible says ‘God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners’ (Rom. 5:8). The cross is God’s great declaration of love to messed up people. The penalty of our sin is paid and we walk free. ‘So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most’ (Heb. 4:16).
Tim Chester is the author of a number of books including ‘You Can Change: God’s Transforming Power for Our Sinful Behaviour and Negative Emotions’ and ‘Captured By A Better Vision: Living Porn-Free’.